Bottled Up

HOPE – Promote Change

Promote Change In this part of the cycle you will start to promote change. The direct goal of the change is NOT to get him/her to stop drinking, or even to cut down their drinking.  However, it is entirely possible that these may be the indirect effects of your actions.

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learned helplessness

Today’s topic s learned helplessness. This is a quote from Medical News Today.  Learned helplessness is a state that occurs after a person has experienced a stressful situation repeatedly.  They come to believe that they are unable to control or change the Situation so they do not try, even when opportunities for change become available. … Read More >

HOPE Survey the Options

Survey the Options For any problem there are a number of possible options that can be applied. The option chosen generally depends on a number of factors. It would obviously depend on the nature of the problem, the severity of the problem, the urgency for a resolution, what you are capable of doing and what … Read More >

HOPE – Assess the Harm

Assess The Harm Possibly you don’t think that you need to do an assessment of the harm that alcohol is doing in your life.  After all, you have lived with it and it has caused severe disruption, heartache and pain in your home. and you know the problems only too well.  We would certainly not suggest … Read More >

HOPE

HOPE HOPE is an acronym (a word made up from the initial letters of other words).  However it was not an acronym that was chosen at random, quite the reverse.  It was an acronym that was chosen to encapsulate the message that Bottled-up aims to spread.  There is hope in drinking relationships, it does not … Read More >

When You Feel that Hope is Slipping Away

Sometimes we feel that there is no hope that its not worth going on.  If you are feeling that way, then this video is for you. In the video we discuss various aspects surrounding hope and some ways that we can build hope and sometimes that we need to view it in a different way.  … Read More >

Positivity and Pragmatism

In a previous video blog post when we discussed the components of LOVE, we talked about Valuing the drinker.  Unfortunately that video seemed to provoke a bit of controversy.  Some people liked what we said, some were a bit less sure and a couple were upset by it. We can honestly say that the last … Read More >

E is for Encourage change

E is for Encourage change. Anyone changing any behaviour needs encouragement and affirmation. Drinkers are no different in that respect. Giving encouragement also helps you to feel part of that change, that it is a team thing, rather than something that s/he is struggling with alone.
OK, we can just hear that protests, but they are still drinking, so what’s to encourage!? Over the last few decades we have come to regard change as all or nothing, especially in drinking. The disease model of alcoholism tends to promote that attitude.

If we adopt that criteria for change – drinking vs not drinking – then many will be disappointed as it does not always happen like that. Sometimes changes can be small, like drinking less or less often or respecting a boundary that you have agreed, or agreeing to look for .help.
Recognising these small changes and affirming them can help to produce more and bigger changes. It can also help you by increasing your sense of hope.

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V is for valuing your drinker

V is for valuing your drinker. It is all too easy to forget your drinker’s good points, the things that attracted you in the first place. Hardly surprising, if s/he is drinking excessively and become undependable and lies about the drinking, it is difficult to have positive feelings towards them.
If your feelings are becoming increasingly negative (again, not surprising) then they can leak out, or even just become the way that you communicate with them. If that is the case then, unknowingly, you may be exacerbating the problem, both for the drinker and for yourself.
In this video we explore how you might start to reverse this process and feel better about your drinker, and about yourself.

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O is for Optimise your time when they are sober

O is for optimising your time when they are sober. There is a great temptation to ‘punish’ the drinker in some way when the alcohol has worn off. The ‘punishment’ may take a number of forms, eg the silent treatment or picking a fight.
These are very natural reactions to the heavy drinking that has preceded the period of sobriety. However, regardless of how justified those reactions may be, they are unlikely to result in any positive change. In fact, in many cases it may exacerbate the drinking instead.
In this video we discuss another approach. The rationale behind this approach is both short term peace and a demonstration that there is life after alcohol.

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