Today I celebrate 40 years of continuous sobriety! Does that impress you? It certainly impresses me! What shows is, not that John is a wonderful person (although some people think he is, others not so much), no it shows that alcoholics can, and do, change, there is always hope in addiction.
Just about anyone who knew me 40 years or more ago, would be amazed if anyone told them that I would be sober at all, never mind that I had been continuously clean and sober for all this time. In fact many people would be astounded that I was even still alive. In 1984 I was in a psychiatric ward being detoxed. I was a mess, I was in the DT’s, had been having convulsions and had had tetany. The psychiatrist told me that I had brain damage, liver damage and, if I continued to drink and use drugs, I would be dead in 6 months. So not exactly a great prospect.
So what happened, how did I manage to get sober. There was no big secret, I really wanted to change. The threat of dying was not the main reason, although I’m sure it helped. The main reason was that I hated myself. I hated what I had become, what alcohol did to me. You can find out more about the person I was in alcohol here. This gave me the motivation to change, to become the person I really was, not this selfish, shallow person that I was in alcohol.
Previously I had stopped drinking many times. The problem was that I could not stop for any longer than two months, then I was back where I left off. I attended AA, which I hated, and it did not work. What I had to find later was that it wasn’t AA that did not work, it was me that did not do what was needed. I also found that my hatred of AA was that I did not see myself as needing to be among these ‘losers’. I was much better than they were. They were the ones staying sober, I was the one who kept getting drunk.
Once I really saw the problem, that alcohol was changing me in ways that I did not want, that when I started drinking I could not stop, and I relied on alcohol to get me through any and all difficult situations, then, and only then, things changed. I stopped blaming everyone else for my problems and started to take responsibility for my own behaviour. I’m not saying that this change was easy, but, like most things, the more I did it the easier it became. My attitude to AA changed from loathing it to being very grateful to the support it provided. In fact some of my best friends were the AA members that I met and some were people I had drank with who were now sober in AA.
When my first AA birthday came round, some members of a group I had previously attended asked me to come and tell my story at their group. Naturally, I thought that this was affirmation of how good my recovery had been. However, they put me straight on that by saying that “We just want to show people that alcoholics can change, if you can get it anyone can get it”. Not what I wanted to hear, but so very true!
Getting sober is simple! This does not mean that is easy, it definitely is not. But it is not complicated. The real key to sobriety is motivation to change, to have a different life and a different you. Have there been times when I was tempted to drink? Of course there were! But I didn’t and the next time I was tempted it was easier and the time after that it was easier still. There were people who were willing to help but I had to be willing to let them.
My life has been good. It has changed in so many ways and I am very grateful for those changes. You can read about some of those changes here. Perhaps the biggest change has been my relationships, especially my relationship with myself. I am happy to be me today, something that I could not have said when I was drinking. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from being a saint. If you don’t believe me, ask my wife Lou. But I am content with who I am.
Me celebrating 40 years of is not a celebration of me. It is a message of hope to families, friends and drinkers out there. Many, many people have come from a seemingly hopeless state of addiction to a life of sobriety. In the words of those AA members “Alcoholics can change, if you can get it anyone can get it”.
I’m happy to hear you made it and are happy. It’s never too late to make good, life changes. ♥ My daughter is now 7 month sober and I am thrilled.. Her father, my husband, will most likely never change. He has been drinking since we’ve been married and even before that (37 years). He just has that personality where he has rituals and this is one of them. In his mind, he has to do this…he must do this…he will do this. He has odd thinking all around and feels this is such a part of his life, he would be unhappy if he deserted it. I’m also so glad to hear people are healing. Great job.
Congratulations John. It’s a wonderful thing to read. I am so grateful to Lou and you for your advice, help and conversations. My wife is now seven months without a drink. She’s not ready to talk about it yet, but that will come. Meantime, she’s doing really well and it is amazing the positive impact it has had on our family. Keep the up the great work in all you do.
Hi Ben
Wow. I have just shared your email with Lou and you have really made our day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well done on all your patience and persistence.
Congratulations John. You are right to be proud of your achievement by staying sober for 40 years. It shows others what’s possible.
I always use your example without mentioning names when people keep telling me the reason my husband couldn’t stop drinking is because if he could have then he would have! I knew it was possible to stop because you had. But he didn’t.
Sadly he lost his life in April this year. I miss him every day and all the lovely things he did like make me a cuppa after a long day. I don’t miss everything alcohol did to him, his health, our relationship and our future.
Keep doing this John and Lou your making a huge difference.
Thanks Annette, and thank you for the support and encouragement that you always give us. We really do appreciate it.
John