Continuing with our short series looking at the issues that John meets in his 1 to 1 sessions. In this video Lou asks John how he responds to people who come along and say “I need to cut down my drinking”.
We also discuss how he responds to requests to help with Controlled drinking, what it means, how to prepare and how successful it is.
If you would like to view the other videos in this series you can find them by clicking the links below.
My Partner Thinks that I’m an Alcoholic
If you would like to book a 1 to 1 session with John then click on this link to see John’s availability.
3 Replies to “I Need to Cut Down my Drinking”
I am finding these videos so helpful to understand my experience living with an alcoholic for about a year and a half. His behaviour would get him into trouble and I do believe he never knew what he did half the time. You couldn’t communicate with him because the wall would come up “That’s the way I am, that’s the way I have always been, and I am not changing”. End of story. My father was an alcoholic so when my partner would come in the door at night that feeling of dread would wash over me. We were together five years, I really loved him, but couldn’t save him. Just like my mother could not save my dad.
It’s so very, very, very sad, isn’t it? I know what you are going through. I fell in love with an alcoholic before I knew he had a problem. and, oh boy, did I go through it with him? We are, sadly, no longer together, even though I thought we could have a wonderful future together. We had so much in common and had good times together. To be fair, he does know he has a problem and I did get him to go to the NHS clinic to get help, but he could not sustain what they were asking him to do. He had to fill in a diary and would lie to them. Unless you have been involved to that extent with a person with a drink problem, it is very hard to see things from their point of view. It has a massive hold on them, and takes a lot of courage and strength to overcome it.
I used to think it was just a case of stopping drinking. Not that easy! John and Lou will tell you that nagging (even the most gentle) will not help. Unless and until they see the light and want to do something for themselves, it will not work. It is so hard to be there for someone who can not see the problem, or is in denial. And it is so hard to walk away – loving them as you do, you want to do whatever you can to help. It is not the person who is evil, it is the drink that overtakes them and sucks them dry.
Then there is the feeling of guilt you may have, because you so desperately want to help them, but you do not know how to. John and Lou’s website is invaluable for that. Both for the drinker and the onlookers. It explains and puts into perspective something that may have been impossible to understand before. I applaud John for what he is doing. He has bared his soul for the benefit of others, and that is a truly wonderful thing. He helped me enormously when I was going through it all. I operated a telephone helpline for quite a while and found that most alcoholics are gentle, kind, caring, sensitive people who just find the world a difficult place to live in, so they need the comfort of their prophylactic to be able to cope. Many have issues from their past which they can’t come to terms with and need addressing with counselling. Many can be saved, but only when they are ready. It is a truly sad situation. One which I think will only get worse with the way things are in the world now and the acceptance of drinking alcohol as a fun, acceptable thing to do. Never give up HOPE. Lorna
Lorna, I am in the process of leaving my partner, and it is so hard that I came to this website to look for some comfort and support, and while I was reading your post, I felt like you were reading my mind.