Sometimes, well actually OFTEN, when you live with an alcoholic nothing you try seems to have any effect. Regardless what you do everything continues as bad as ever.
In this video we start to look at how you might change this perception and how you just may be able to detect signs of change.
John if your wife hadn’t left you, would you have ever quit? My sister lives with an alcoholic and she has a life of hell, no kids, thank God. Our father was an alcoholic. I just got out of a relationship with an alcoholic. I couldn’t live with him, and he wouldn’t continue relationship unless I lived in it. So that was it. Are most drinkers inflexible when it comes to what a relationship looks like because basically they are lonely and want someone to live with. My sister has gone back 6 times and her physical health is terrible. Thank you Lou that message was for me. I have never heard anyone say stay, it is definitely not an atmosphere for children, I know from experience.
Lou and John thanks for just being honest and saying it how it is – no airs and graces. Because lets face it living with a drinker can be very shit. In response to another comment- I wouldnt expect anyone to say STAY if they knew what goes on. But its not that easy to just leave. Well not for me. I am not the main earner- I have elderly parents no relatives with spare rooms. Believe it or not my children love their dad despite his drinking. They go to good schools. I have to look at the bigger picture- So since finding Bottled Up I will try and have tried the advise and there has been progress. Also yes -I do love my drinker I dont always like him though.
Thanks for this , amongst all the chaos I can see progress and am now finally able to see our relationship for what it is ,not what it was or what I want it to be . There is still a lot of work to do – but I am now in the boat it’s rocky but I no longer feel as if I’m drowning .
Thanks Laine, Sounds like you are heading in the right direction.
John 🙂
This has been very helpful, setting these small benchmarks for progress, rather than seeing it as a zero-sum game. It also helps me to see how my own perfectionism (my issue I try to function with) impacts how I feel about what my marriage is or should be.
Thank you Lou and John for your honesty. The graph at the top shows an upward trend. Sadly, the progress(regress?) from the drinker in my family shows a more downward trend with the occasional but rare short-lived upward trend. She did use a calendar as you suggested John for a short while, and put smiley face stickers on the good days, but those days are long gone. Drinking is everything. I will try and remain positive and will never give up hope, even though it feels like the ship is sinking and there are no lifejackets left. Thank you.