I often find myself talking to family members about Hope. Understandably, they are often living without much hope, especially if their drinker has been drinking to excess for many years and promised many times to change.
In this video I talk about what the research has to tell us about change and recovery. If you have any personal experience about change and recovery please add a comment below. Everyone needs a bit of hope.
Thank you that did help me as have little hope at the moment with my 36 year old alcoholic daughter who is hospitalised with wernickes. Do you have any info on this syndrome?
Thanks John for the seed of hope you are planting. I’m learning to change my reaction to situations which is helping me dramatically.
My drinker died from liver failure in April. I sincerely hope nobody else experiences this and gets to realize that hope they’re holding onto.
i have hope, i joined in July after my partner had yet another relapse. The section on anger and forgiveness changed how i reacted and in turn has lead to what feels like a much stronger, more positive period of abstinence. i have hope that we wont have to go through another detox and i have hope we can build a stronger, happier marriage. knowing where i can turn to if he does starts drinking again gives me hope that i can deal with it better and not live with so much anger.
thank you Lou and John
I would like to have hope…..I try to remain positive but hubby continues to tell me he is not quitting. Where does that leave me? He has put alcohol over me and when I tell him it’s me or the alcohol, he chooses the alcohol. Is there really hope? He says he doesn’t know why he can’t have both. I call that selfish and he calls it happy.
Hi KDKA, I can relate 100% with your comment. After 30+ years of living with an alcoholic husband, his response is always the same. The public outbursts are more frequent. He used to hide it from everyone bar me. But since admitting he has a problem he no longer cares and refused to try and give up.
Yes there is someone inside who on good days I still love. But I question when life is limited for all of us, why I put up with the unhappiness, verbal abuse and loneliness. I have a busy independent life now ( which he now claims is why he drinks more). Yet another controlling behaviour of the disease. But it hurts to be told I love you, but drink is the only thing that makes me happy so i won’t give it up!
Thank you for understanding, Rose. I get all sorts of “reasons” as well….first, it was his childhood, then it was because he likes it and wants me to be happy for him….now, it is my fault for giving him a hard time and he says I am the one with the problem. My hubby isn’t at the bars so he thinks I should be grateful for that…yes, grateful he is not drinking and driving but that is another manipulative game we play. I mentioned last year how he passed out and went off the road while drinking at his little cabin getaway that we have….He blamed me because I told him stay as long as he wanted…(in a sarcastic tone)…He came home later than usual and said if he had only been home when he usually is, this wouldn’t have happened…he said I shouldn’t have told him to stay, so he wanted to use that against me, as if he had no responsibility in that? ha. yes, he makes me laugh at times because he is so ridiculous…..I have also mentioned that he “hallucinates” on occasion. It’s usually about what I am watching on TV when he comes into the room drunk…he wants to know how “they” know what I am doing, and if I am on my phone, he thinks I am communicating with the TV! The next day he has NO memory of such nonsense. Over and over and over I have begged him to please get help and each and every time he says he doesn’t want to…this is also as he is telling me I am the most important thing in his life! Right! ha…What he says and what he does is always far from one another. I’m alone but I am strong. I find things to occupy my time the best I can. He has left me no choice but to detach myself from our marriage. We may be under the same roof but we are not in a relationship.
Thank you John
For me my exprience of my partners drinking is a complex one not only is it 5ye drink but being depressed and diabetic is having its tole and it is so differcupt always knowing the correct role to take ? Its work is his medicine but leving bottles off vodka in his van is one off my many worries. Also hiding bottpes nkt very well i grant this. Always find them he lost his appertite and this is another worry aa he has to eat because off being diabetic. I have no clue how to help him and my heart is breaking seeing him slowly kill himslef thats how it feels spend every weekend with him chucking up being sick and back to a working week during week days. Its so frustrating i spend my weekends worried sick cant go out in fear off him having a hypo over drinking or worse ? I have saved his life once with compressions and keeping him alive and every weekend getting him out off a diabetic hypo. I am so lost and its not the standerd typical drinker this is a liiness on liiness and drink. Wish i could see your advise as helpful. I relate 100% to everything you and Louise are saying. And tgat is extremely helpful to me to know i am not alone. I love this man and see all his worth yet he dose not x so sad
I think Karl Marx referred to the type of hope you are talking about as “False Consciousness”. I’ve had hope more times than I can count, but it has been thrown back in my face more times than I can cope with. I’m done.