LOVE is one of the powerful tools that are exclusive to Bottled Up. It was created to provide some guidelines on how to live with an alcoholic in a way that was positive and therapeutic.
In this video we introduce the tool and in subsequent videos we explore each of the elements in more detail.
Love you guys and how you interact with one another..something I do not have. and sure miss….it is great how you listen to each other and acknowledge the other.
LOVE…yes, it is hard to define, but Lou, you said something that I have been working on, in stepping back and doing my best to work on ME and my attitude toward this. This is know: My hubby is never going to change; he has already told me he will not. I am the only one that has to if I want happiness. While there is a lot of resentment on my part, I see HE also resents me and treats me differently…and with defiance..doing things he knows irritate me that he never used to do, and that is why they irritate me. ha. Sort of his way of getting back at me for bringing up that he has a problem.
The truth remains that I would leave if I could.. but the reality is that I cannot financially.
I am glad you have found one another. I would like to experience a ying to my yang one day.
Thank you ♥
I don’t know how you separate the person from the addiction. If I want to live a separate life its a lot easier to be single. I couldn’t stand walking on eggshells waiting for the shoe to drop. I father was an alcoholic so the triggers were just on the surface, too much familiarity for me. My sister lives with an alcoholic and he is indifferent to her needs completely. You can take back your power, but if you want peace you need to get out. I am not taking responsibility for his addiction. I think alcoholism is a serious addiction and all of these adaptive behaviours really don’t help. In years gone by people were hospitalized when they went on a bender and there they got the help they needed, today it just goes on and on and on.
I am not sure I agree with you on hospitalisation being the best answer. I do empathise with you feeling you could/ cannot have peace while living with someone who is an active alcohol addict! I left the home we shared for exactly that reason, I did not leave the relationship and we talk daily. I do not talk or text if his behavior is abusive, this is impossible if you share a living space and your partner is bent on an argument!
I wish you strength 🙂
I can totally relate to you. I am in the same situation. When I confront him he either drinks more or gets verbally mean. I would also leave but like you financially can’t and I feel I contributed too much into our marriage and what we have as personal items for me to just walk away. However there are days I feel I can’t I need to get away and will deal somehow. Like you I know he is not going to change unless something drastic happens to really scare him. I am trying to work on me and do what makes me happy but I am sure you know that is a difficult thing to do when you are still having to deal with a alcoholic. I wish you well as your life proceeds forward.
My alcoholic had a full blown heart attack at 42, and lost a million bucks to a former wife, and still he drinks on. If that isn’t rock bottom what is? Some people have no rock bottom, the alcohol has a grip and never lets go, I saw this with my own father. Married 5 times, and drank himself to death at 64. So rock bottom is a myth for some people. I do not drink and chose not to live with anyone that is an alcoholic. Why would I? I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live under these unpredictable, destructive conditions. No good can come of it. I would live on welfare rather than succumb to walking on eggshells in my own home. It is hell on earth.
Your dammed if you do and dammed if you dont. You experience so many feelings/emotions living with a drinker. Mine is going through a particular bad patch at the moment and Im reverting back to the previous me before finding Bottled Up.. Its a struggle to find the strength to carry on but I will dig deep- I have to be there for my amazing children. Sue im on your side of the fence at the moment especially if its a new relationship Dont Do It!! if you have a gut feeling about drink becoming a problem. But it wont be those reading this its most likely to be us that have battled through this for so many/too long years. Sorry really aint feeling it lately. Xx
I find it quite easy to “switch” to feeling deep love and romance for my partner when he is not drinking (which may be once every 1-2 weeks). The other times, I am just in protection mode and setting up clear boundaries. It’s a roller coaster ride, but I want to stay with him. I just don’t want to regret this decision years down the track and feel that I have wasted so much time not being able to truly love him and show him love.