I’m delighted to introduce Ryan sharing about his sobriety. He contacted me yesterday asking if there was something he could do to help. So I asked him to write his story and we would post it on the Blog. So here it is.
Hi my name is Ryan and I’m a alcoholic.
I’m 31 years old I was born in Leeds 1988. I am the eldest of two. I have a younger brother. My dad is a alcoholic and my mum lived in fear around him. My earliest memories of childhood was feeling very insecure, very scared of my dad I never wanted to be around him, I always felt the protector of my younger brother. We had very little, we was always back and forth to my grandparents, I don’t recall there been much love in our family. My dad managed to quit drinking when I was 8 to a mountain of bills and a fearful family. I know now dads addiction manifested into work and earning money so he was never around. Which at the time I didn’t understand.
I remember feeling very lonely through school that filling of not enough like I didn’t fit in. I took these feelings into high school we’re the bullying started making me feel even more rejected. I remember running out of school crying at 13 wanting to die. The answer from my parents were to move schools were it carried on. In the end I quit school and went to work with my uncle we’re I felt love and acceptance. Shortly after at 16 I found alcohol all remember thinking is that’s it this is what I was born to do I finally felt like I fit in. It took over my life house party’s,pubs,clubs then I was introduced to cocaine and ecstasy. At this point is was a weekend thing socially.
My dad had noticed I was out a lot on a night laid in bed all day. So he started to pound me with this is no good your on a slippery path I was on etc.. my reply to this was I’m nothing like you. I started to work away at 22 roofing. for me this is we’re it got worse as I had no one to hide it from and I started drinking every night. To the point I’d have that first morning drink to bring me round. This went on for years until I couldn’t bare it I contacted my dad and went home I finally realised I had a problem but couldn’t stop. I attended my first AA meeting at 25. I came out with some identification but not much and thought that’s not me. I moved in with my girlfriend and my alcoholism got worse and worse to the point she left. I ended up back at my parents.
As a child I love motorbikes and dreamed of road racing I put this idea to my dad. We both thought it would do me good so we set off to do it. I started racing a zxr400 at Caldwell park. This soon became an addiction for me and my dad I started to get some good results we moved up to the 600 Honda in 2015 I managed to pick up some sponsorship funding so we could get out racing around the country we had all the best equipment for the bike and a big motorhome we washed slept and eaten in I found myself taking it all for granted. Drinking crept back in and slowly I started to push racing aside a life long dream of mine as the disease of alcoholism fired up in me again. I lost it all in 2017.
By 2018 I was in prison for numerous drink driving charges and shoplifting this was a shock to the system. I was released from prison to hit yet another rock bottom I end up on the streets of Leeds. I didn’t realise it could of got this back but It had I was sat drinking anything I could get my hands on to get me through.. I ended up in my first treatment centre that year. My first proper introduction to the 12 steps. I was there 5 months.
I’d met a girl from Devon we got on well everything was good. I moved to Devon last year. Slowly I stopped doing the suggested recovery things. Stopped my meeting and it caught me again. I had 7 months of utter madness putting my girlfriend through hell. I was hospitalised 5 times with dts alcohol psychosis. Blackouts,more police station trips to court. I couldn’t even function with out a drink. I couldn’t even think straight it was killing me slowly. I finally got to my knees in hospital crying for god to help me or kill me. Some days later through a phone call I managed to be funded into ark house treatment centre in Scarborough.
Thanks to that place I’m home sober with a massive understanding of me my addiction and a 12 step programme to help me with life it’s self because I can obsess about most things and I have an addiction of more. Today I’ve a higher power I choose to call god. I take daily inventory and I’m of service to others. I’m grateful to feel grateful and blessed I’ve not taken that first drink.
So a huge congratulations to Ryan on his sobriety and also a big thank you for sharing his journey with us. If anyone else would like to share their story on this blog, we would be happy to post it. After all, stories like Ryan’s are very inspiring to everyone as it gives hope to anyone who has issues with alcohol, either their own drinking or a family member’s drinking.
Also please leave a message if you would like to thank Ryan or to encourage him in his continued sobriety, or just to say Hi.