You are living in the same house, you are seeing the same issues and consequences, and YET!! When you talk about the drinking, the problems, the solutions it feels like you. not only don’t live in the same house, in fact you live on different planets. How can this possibly happen??
In this video about the issues arising from Lou’s counselling room we discuss how couples can see situations so different. Lou uses the analogy of being in the same room but looking out of different windows and tells how she tries to bring couples to agreement.
3 Replies to “Living with a drinker – Why can’t we agree?”
Thank you. I found this video really useful on many levels. My sister is dependent on alcohol but also lives with and cares for our elderly mum. My relationship with my sister has become very difficult over the last couple of years. She feels I’m constantly criticising and judging her and I’m constantly frustrated because she doesn’t feel she has a problem. My main priority is my mum and making sure she’s happy and cared for. It’s helpful and calming listening to you both.
I too found this video very helpful. I live with a drinker who refuses to change his habits one iota as ” at my age there’s nothing else to live for”. With your help I have learned to prioritise my own health and lifestyle but I cannot ignore the fact that he drinks and drives daily, and insists he is safe to do so. My children shun him in case he puts their children at risk or appears drunk in front of them. He will not address this, seeing it as my problem not his, I cannot view this out of ” his” window!
Very helpful video. I have two alcoholics in my life. At one time I had depression and anxiety which comes off and on. Unfortunately, the mental illness was seen as a bad thing and I was ignored or shamed, That shaped a good part of adult years.
The drinkers escalated their drinking over time and I saw changes in their perspectives. I grew up in an alcoholic home and was aware of the changes happening. All our perspectives were different on “what we saw out the window”. Mine was often discarded because of my history of mental illness. I was aware of this and tried to remain humble and empathetic, finding ways I could change.
There is something else brewing in one of the drinkers. It seems to be almost in his personality. Now, he looks out the the same window as I do but it is now my fault as to what he is seeing. I just know I have to be very careful now. The other drinker still seems willing to see that we all see things a bit differently, but I am just waiting to see if he begins to change like the other drinker did.
I think this video has helped me see how progressive the disease of alcoholism can be and there are other issues beneath the alcoholism that can rise to the surface or even just simply develop over time. Alcoholism is a baffling disease. It is confusing and I may have been confused my whole life because of the disease and its effects. Funny thing I did learn in the growing up years was that I learned to see many perspectives as I grew up in a family of 7. At some point, I have had to learn to figure out my perspective and truth and to start there on a journey to know truth. Believe me, finding that truth or self as a start is not easy. Thanks for the video.