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Hi Angela, thank you for your kind words. I really found today’s Webinar very relevant and thought provoking. Such a pity I could just not access the camera on my laptop. I was so frustrated but I had to give up trying as I couldn’t concentrate on the discussion.
I’m happy to hear that you get out and do things for yourself. It took me a while to give myself this necessary push. My friends have been such a good support too.
So yes we are 10 days out of rehab and Marks doing all he can to maintain his sobriety. I have a friend whom I’ve never met but she whatsapp’s me every day with some wise words, links to podcasts and Youtube inspirational speakers. She worked for over 30 years counselling families of addicts and my sister asked her to contact me. She lives in another part of the country but I’m hoping to meet up with her soon as she’s been so honest and direct with me.
We took ourselves away for a few days before Mark goes back to work. It’s nice feeling normal again Angela. I want to pinch myself to make sure what I’m feeling is real!So it’s one small day at a time and live in each precious moment for us. I truly hope that your dear sweet husband will start to share more precious moments with you Angela.
All the very best,
CoraHi Angela, Y
Thanks for sharing your story and I do empathise with you. It is so frustrating and upsetting to watch someone you love and care for letting their life drift on without them being truly in it.
I found myself in a very similar situation to yourself, only difference being I was retired and he was not. His drinking was so bad at the weekends that I let so many joint activities/events slip pass as it wasn’t worth the effort and another failure was too painful to take.
After many depressing months I woke up one day and made a conscious effort to regain my sense of self. I decided I wasn’t going to WAIT for him so that I could enjoy my life. I took control of me. I got my hair done every Friday. I met friends for coffee. I went to the Cinema alone or with a friend if they were available. Nature parks were a big favourite. I took up Dancercise ( best fun ever). I learnt to find fun and laughter in the small things in life.
All the time I told him that I loved him and wanted to share my life with sober him. I cooked us nice dinners but left the room after eating if he was drunk. I took long hot baths and listened to soothing music. I also did a daily short meditation ( loads on YouTube) and I was totally honest with my friends and family about his drinking.
No one judged me.
I’m sure you know this but I remind myself daily of the following.
You have not caused his drinking
You cannot control his drinking
and You cannot CURE his drinking
Through Loving Detachment you can live a more fulfilled life and hope that he will join there some day soon.I wish you well. Trust in you.
“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” _ William Allen White
Cora
Hi, I’M Cora. I’m a 60 yr old nurse who gave up work 4 years ago to care for my Mum as she was in the early stages of Alzheimers. She went into a nursing home earlier this year. I was married for 26 years and have 2 sons and a daughter. I left my husband 10 years ago and now live with my partner. He’s the kindest, wonderful, most generous man who is adored by all my family and friends.He has three grown up sons from his first marriage. From the start I could see that he liked his wine but drinking was not an issue. He’s a highly successful CEO of a large company and he works very hard.We’re avid hill walkers and go hiking all over the world.
His drinking became a problem during the first year of Lock Down when I noticed that he was drinking during the day. I immediately called him out and we’re in the Alcohol dance ever since. He does AA, counselling, mentoring, takes Anti Buse but still he drinks! And He’s moved on to spirits. He works and drinks and he drives and drinks. I have a very good supportive network of friends whom I am completely honest with. This weekend his sons will be told the whole sorry story. I love him and only want to see him regain his sense of fun and joy in lives simple pleasures.
